The JawSaw


Fellow engineers and fellow men… for your enjoyment, may I present this, most hilarious, video promotion.

Late one night, in his secret genetics/toy laboratory, mad-scientist Dr. Fisher Price got himself wasted on Bubblegum Schnapps. In a sugar-pumped rage, he started breeding animal genes with sporting goods in hopes of making the next big thing in children’s toys. After the frighteningly humorous failure of mixing a kitten with a tetherball, Dr. Price was surprised by his own brilliance when he successfully spliced woodchuck DNA into a lacrosse stick. The Fisher-Price JawSaw was born… opps, I mean the WORX JawSaw:

JawSaw Profile

Don't worry, it won't bite.

The internet is showing some love and affection for the safety and green responsibility of this [and I will use the term loosely] ‘tool’. But I simply do not share in the enthusiasm.

A real chainsaw

Arrr arr arr!

Using a true chainsaw is the most empowering and exciting rush of an experience you’ll ever have in your own yard… unless you can hunt animals there… or have sex. The chainsaw is the physical manifestation of man’s fantasy to destroy-by-cock. Even simply trimming a tree or bush: fraying those little limbs apart with a testosterone-fueled mechanized chain of exposed razors is… is… fun! What kind of chum would replace that experience with a Fisher-Price safety saw?

I doubt any self-respecting man would buy the JawSaw for himself. I think this is the kind of product whose existence is supported solely by wedding gifts and birthday presents from wives who saw the commercial. And speaking of the commercial; watch that video once more. Notice how they market the product in direct opposition to its weaknesses:

JawSaw Ad Screen Cap

But they look so cool!

JawSaw runs on wall power (corded)— well, show it with the cord cut off and used in the middle of a park so it looks cordless. Oh yea, and add some smoke in there so someone might think it has a powerful gas engine.

JawSaw still requires you to push the saw through the limb, it is not powered— okay, zoom in close on the saw moving in the jaw, and minimize shots or obfuscate angles of the operator forcefully collapsing the telescoping handle to operate the saw. Try to hide how incredibly awkward it is to force the JawSaw through wood when you don’t have the advantage of pushing with your body mass like a real chainsaw.

JawSaw is plastic and flimsy— well, show BIG BURLY DUDES (and a burly dudette [gotta be PC!]) with dirty clothes using the JawSaw so it seems more rugged. Even though the only guys using this product will have their shirts tucked in with a sweater tied around the waist.

Man in suit trimming a bush

Feels like a real man when Muffy lets him use his JawSaw (but not today)

Now, I will admit, it does LOOK cool, so props to the ID guys for your noble attempts to hide the wimpy saw behind a mask of awesome. You know, the JawSaw might actually be useful as a hood ornament for my go cart… maybe I will buy one.

Jaw Saw Hood Ornament

Let's go hunting! Fuck you deer!

About Ed

This Engineering Dude is a contract Mechanical Engineer with 12 years experience in comprehensive electro-mechancial product design. His consumer and OEM products have been sold worldwide in the laboratory, medical, clinical, and research markets. He has also designed orthopedic rehabilitation hardware, firearms, pneumatic weapons, mountain bikes, and even furniture.
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